Sometimes the problem is other people, and sometimes the problem is you. It is possible to be your worst critic, to self-deprecate so much that you distort your self-image. Negative self-talk leads to a negative self-image, which can lead to self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage is when you engage in behaviors that lead to negative outcomes and get in the way of you achieving your goals. It can look like procrastination, avoidance, and acting out, or even manifest as perfectionism, scapegoating, or self-doubt. These can be conscious or subconscious. 

Self-sabotage might be the cause of your frustration and lack of success in some areas of your life.

So, today, we are going to reflect on self-sabotage and any negative labels you might have assigned to yourself based on your self-talk. 

Macro: What negative labels do you need to remove? 

If you are reading this post that means you are alive, and that also means that you have some agency in your personal development. Many positive and negative events have happened in your life, and you formed personal narratives as a result of those experiences.

Based on those experiences, you have ascribed labels to yourself. What are those labels?

When you look at yourself, do you see potential, capacity, someone who is lovable, with tremendous skills and impact to offer the people around you? Do you consider yourself capable of learning and growing, or have you already written yourself off? 

This negative thinking cycle can lead to self-sabotage.

If you fill your mind with negativity about yourself, that is what will emerge when you are facing new goals. You will see the goal, even dream about the goal, and then immediately be reminded of all your negative traits. You will be afraid that if you pursue the dream, reach the goal, or obtain the desired thing, you will lose or destroy it because you are not good enough. Therefore, you make yourself small and stay in your comfort zone.

Fear of failure and low self-esteem are two of the biggest root causes of self-sabotage. This is why what you are labeling yourself matters. 

Micro: What words do you need to remove from your vocabulary? 

Words matter. It may take time to unravel the negative labels you have placed on yourself, but you can immediately start watching what you say about yourself. 

Watch your mouth. Notice when you are saying something negative about yourself and correct it. 

Note: Personal accountability and responsibility are important. This exercise is not about avoiding accountability when you’ve done something wrong or denying the areas of your life that need improvement; this is, however, to challenge you not to make those areas your final destination. You can change your direction and improve your life. That’s what this newsletter is about: personal growth through reflection and ownership. 

So, this week, pay attention to how you’re talking about yourself to others and the narrative playing in your head. Flip the script. Change your language on the spot and see what that feels like. 

Mindful: What do you need to reflect on? 

Imagine you had to write a short description of yourself. What would you include?

Exercise: Write down what first comes to mind. Notice whether it is positive or negative.

If positive, consider how leaning into that self-image can improve your week. If negative, take some time to flip those labels into a more productive and positive perspective. For example, if you are often disorganized, you can reframe that into something like, “I have so many wonderful thoughts and things I want to accomplish in a day that my mind tends to race. I have not found the right organizational tools yet, but I’m excited to try some new strategies to help me optimize my thinking and life.” 

Pay it forward:

Do you know someone who could use the reminder to disrupt self-sabotage this week? Maybe you know someone who needs to remember that their negative self-talk is holding them back. If so, share this post with them as a small token of your encouragement for their journey.